Snow day!

I just started a volunteer job at the Lyme Library on Saturdays.  I worked last week from 10 to 4 and was scheduled to work today the same hours.  However, there was a big storm scheduled for this morning and everyone has been reminding me that if it is bad I can stay home.  After all, I am “just a volunteer”. 

Doesn’t anyone get the fact that I am trying to build a name for myself in this field?  Am I overreacting to think that I should treat this like a real job so I will get a good recommendation when I graduate? 

The Director of the library called this morning and even she said that if I didn’t come in it would be okay since I am just a volunteer, i am not getting paid or anything!

I showed up and she showed me how to do a bunch of stuff, like adding new books into the library records from the publishers and of course how to check people in. So even though I am “just a volunteer” I was pretty useful on this snow day!



My Tree of Hope

white christmas treeThis may look like a regular white Christmas tree but for me, it isn’t.  This tree was a gift from someone unexpected, and has brought me some hope for the year to come.  Anyone who knows me knows that the past 6 months have been pretty hard with my son’s accident–not to get too involved but it put a strain on me emotionally.  So I could use some hope!  Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Lorenc (and of course, Mary) for starting my year out with a renewed outlook.

Here’s where it gets a little crazy…but I am not known for my sane ideas (LOL).  I have decided that I am going to keep my “Tree of Hope” up all year this year.  I bought white lights for it.  I read somewhere that for the best effect I should paint the wires white instead of the standard green.  That makes sense and probably looks pretty amazing but I just don’t have the time.  This year, at least.  Never know what the future holds…but I digress.  Back to the tree.

I bought origami paper and a book so I can learn to make origami doves.  All year, when I find something that spreads hope for me or for others, I am going to make a dove.  I will write on the dove what inspired me, and I will hang the dove on the tree.  At the end of the year, I am going to put all the doves into a jar with the year written on it–to be known as my “Year of Hope Jar.”  I made my first dove today and wrote Thank you for the tree on it.  I am sure my jar will be full of doves by the end of 2015…hope is all around us if we watch for it!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Hey Friends!

Today is a wonderful day for Thanksgiving.  I went to a family football game at Haddam Meadows…watched, not played 🙂  After that I went home and slept for an hour before dinner at my Moms.  All in all a wonderful day.

No weight loss stories to tell…except that one of my Aunts told me I looked really good.  Love to hear that!

Happy Thanksgiving!



Last week I decided to try Nutrisystem for a week and see how it goes. It was good and bad 🙂

I weighed myself on the end of the second day and I was down a pound. Yay!!! It wasn’t hard to stick to since the food isn’t terrible and I was full most of the time so I was on a roll. Then, I got sick.

On Tuesday I kind of felt crappy but it wasn’t too bad. My friend and I had dinner plans and I planned to use this as one of my two “days off” of Nutrisystem. Except she canceled. Like 20 minutes before I got out of work. And I was starving!

It wasn’t her fault, she was sick, abd I should have planned my snacks better. The bottom line, the very sad bottom line, is that I had tortilla chips and spinach dip for dinner. A whole bag of tortilla chips and a whole jar of spinach dip. How many calories was that I wonder?!

Wednesday I had a Nutrisystem breakfast and lunch but felt lousy.
I ate pizza for dinner and went to bed. Thursday and Friday were more of the same, Nutrisystem for breakfast and lunch and pizza for dinner before bed. Oh, and a ton of M&Ms thrown in for good measure.

Saturday and Sunday I ate candy and soup. And slept some more. Weigh in on Sunday showed I had gained .7lb . Not a huge surprise.

Guess the bottom line is try try again. I will do the Nutrisystem challenge again next week, when I am sure this cold is 100% gone!!!

Happy November 1st!

It is the first of November and after sleeping on it about my post yesterday i decided that I am still not satisfied.  Sure, I am going to imagine myself at my goal weight (150 or lower) and ask myself if I really need that second helping, second cookie, candy bar, piece of cake, filling your own ideas 🙂  And of course I will keep reminding myself to celebrate the victories past.  But is that really enough?

I decided that was a negative and went on the lookout for something to get me back on the wagon.  Did you know you can buy Nutrisystem at Walmart?!  Nutrisystem offers a five day “Jump Start” program at some retail stores (Walmart.)  I lost weight on Nutrisystem before but it was pretty price inhibitive.  The food isn’t fabulous…but let’s not forget that it is A. Diet food and B. Processed crap with a shelf life of a year or more that doesn’t even need a refridgerator to keep it fresh.  Having said that, it isn’t the worst food I have ever had. Also, it costs about $10 a day (plus another…I don’t know…$2 or $3 for the added “smart carb” and “powerfoods” you add for snacks) so it isn’t crazy unreasonable.   But buying a month’s worth of food all at once and then still having money left over to feed my son and buy the extras you need to supplement the diet just isn’t in my budget.  Anyway, back to Walmart.  I decided a Jumpstart is just the ticket to get me out of this funk.

Five days on and two days off, then back to Walmart if I like it? Yes please.  Eating well on weekends isn’t usually a problem because Al is a pretty consciencious eater and I am not too tired or stressed out to cook.  Eating during the week has been a huge challenge lately…between Brian’s accident and the stress of school I am lucky if I eat at all! Oh, I don’ t mean fasting or anything silly like that.  I mean, “I had 2 cups of Cheese Its at work and this tear and share bag or M &Ms {which I shared with Anxious A!}, so if I get a diet coke on the way home I can call that dinner, right?”  Brian is more than happy to have a bowl of soup so I don’t have to worry there, either.  Eating a box of processed low glycemic nutrisystem for dinner and throwing in a steamer bag of green beans should work out just fine.  Another bonus I forgot to mention is that every day comes with a dessert.  Therefore, when it is 11:30 and I am STILL working on that paper for EDU 441, I can go get a bag of chocolate covered pretzels to push me through to the end.  Win/win!  And if it does’t, oh well.  It is five days and done!

Of course I am speaking past tense because anyone who knows me knows I already bought it LOL.  Wish me luck…I am starting with the afternoon snack, dinner, and dessert tonight.  Although it is a weekend, I just can’t wait until Monday!  I am dog-sitting overnight for a client and just realized that they don’t have a microwave.  The directions say that I can boil the tray of food (Chicken Alfredo) in a saucepan of water so I will do that.  I’m not going to lie, that sounds pretty gross.  Oh well, the Cheesecake flavored dessert bar should make up for it!  Wish me luck!

Happy Halloween!

Today is Halloween and i dressed up as a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.  Nothing like dressing up as a bowl of ANYTHING to remind a girl of how far they still have to go with weight loss!!!!

My first reaction was to call out sick and stay in bed eating Halloween candy all day LOL.  Then i got real and got dressed.  I drove to work and told myself over and over that I have already lost almost. 20 lb and next year I will be too skinny to be a bowl of spaghetti.  Maybe a couple strands-hahaha!  I will probably be something small in a small costume…

Anyway, that’s it.  Just wanted to put that out there 🙂 Happy Halloween!


October’s List of Awesome!

One of my new readers commented that I haven’t written in a while so I am going to submit my October list of Awesomeness 🙂

  1. I got into a verbal altercation with someone and I didn’t back down or run from the fight.  I am not a “brawler” or anything like that and I don’t make it a habit to get into fights; but a woman at a concert I went to recently kept trying to get me to fight with her and then finally asked me if she could “talk to me outside.”  (Behind the bleachers?!  What are we, in high school?)  Of course, I said no but I said it with force and conviction.  I also told her to Back Off and put my hand up in her face.  Doesn’t sound like much but it was a really big deal for me, the former doormat!
  2. I am working out in the mornings again most days during the week.
  3. I have been very consistent about logging my food and drinking my water
  4. I dyed my hair “ombre” with red on the bottom and very dark brown on the top and it came out really nice
  5. I am not sucking at school 🙂
  6. Still in the 190’s but just barely.  By November I should be moving on down to the 180’s.  And can I say it’s about damn time!
  7. Physically I am looking pretty good, if I do say so myself!
  8. I made a Halloween costume to wear to the daycare and it is pretty Awesome!
  9. I met Derek Trucks and Susan Tedeschi…the leads in the Tedeschi Trucks Band.  My favorite!!!
  10. Last but definitely not least, I am feeling really confident in my abilities in my job.  Every day is a challenge but I feel like I meet it head on and crush it!

School is still hard.  My latest class is Research and Analyst Skills and there is one other person, John.  I am only in the second week and nothing I have written has been graded yet so I don’t know how I am doing.  I feel like it is going well, though.   My Jawbone armband is keeping me informed about my sleep habits and it keeps all my other information together in one place nicely.  When I first got it I was kind of skeptical because I used MyFitnessPal for my food and CardioTrainer for my exercise and I didn’t really want to change.  I kept MyFitnessPal because it syncs with UP24 (the Jawbone app) and I switched to MapMyFitness for exercise because it also syncs.  As an added bonus, MapMyFitness also syncs with my heart rate monitor so I can wear that when I exercise and get a more accurate calorie reading.  I am still taking  diet pills but I bought a combo pack at GNC so there are two different pills.  They don’t work as well as the D4 worked but it has only been a week so I can’t say that with conviction yet.  They were kind of expensive ($85 for a month’s supply) so I will switch back at the end of the month if I still feel the same.  All in all it has been a pretty awesome month!

I had to make a Prezi presentation for a class and I made one that copies the Brady Bunch with me and my life as the theme.  It came out pretty good so I am attaching it!


I am still getting a 69 in my class (actually a 68.56 which will be rounded up) and grades should close any minute.  I emailed my Instructor because when Brian was in the hospital he told me if I sent him am essay about the discussion posts I missed he would give me a few points instead of zeros.  I did that but he never changed my grades.  I am not asking for an A in the class but  passing it would be good!  I don’t know of it is too late or not, I am just waiting.  Blah!

My new class is Information Technology.   It is basically a class about learning how to research in today’s technical world and there are only 2 other students!   I have to bring my A game but I like it so far so it is easy.

Yesterday was Veronica’s shower and 9t was fun.  Not a lot of people were there but that made it better I think.  She called in through Skype and played some games with us.  It was kind of funny because there was a delay and she just looked confused a lot of the time 🙂

My Mother reminded me that I have a washer in her basement so my brother is bringing it over today.   Good thing too because I cannot afford to get mine fixed!   Especially if I do fail Sociology and have to pay for another class to replace it.  You cannot use student loan money to pay for a failed class so it will be out of pocket 😦

Brian went back to school finally.  The school was not able to get a van but he is in the front seat of the bus and supposedly because of the engine being so heavy it isn’t as bumpy there.  He said it was bad but not as bad as riding in his Dad’s Yaris 🙂  He takes Tylenol before getting on and a nap when he gets home.  October 17th we find out of he can remove the brace.

I am pretty tired all the time, I feel like I have an infant at home.  Brian is getting better every day but he still can’t do a lot for himself.  I will be glad when he gets the brace off.

I rejoined Weight Watchers online.  I canceled the subscription because I didn’t want to just lose weight without really understanding why and the points system is easy but not clear.  What is clear now is that I don’t have time to count calories and figure out how I am breaking up carbs proteins and the like!  So the easy points system is up 🙂

I haven’t worked out lately but I am learning that strength training is more beneficial when you don’t have a lot of time so I am going to start doing exercise with my dumbells a few days a week until life gets back to normal and I can do cardio again.  When I think back the thinnest I have been was when I was doing strength training twice a week woth Evin so I think it will work.

So that is it.  More to come. ..hopefully my next post will be about how I am losing again!


Ramblings of a non-sleeper

It is almost 4 am and i am essencially wide awake.  I woke up about 15 minutes ago after falling asleep this evvening at an early 11 pm.  Sleep and i have not been the best of friends lately and 5 hours is just about an average night so i am writing this blog instead of sleeping:).

Here is a quick overview of “Life according to Toots” (my mother’s nickname for me!):
1.  Brian fell off his bike and broke his back last week.  He also cracked his head open! 
2.  I am getting a 59.8 in my current class-Sociology 203.
3.  Still in the 190’s as far as weight loss goes
4.  My washing machine does not spin or drain so i have to hit the laundry mat at some point this weekend.
And finally–5.  work is actually good!!!  I only worked 11 hours last week and i have no personal time or vacation hours left; so my paycheck this week was non-existent but i already paid my rent so it is all good there.

Brian is doing good.  He was in the hospital from Wed. to Fri. last week, giving me a little bonding time with his Dad.  I forgot how much he annoys me! He was there because he was worried about his son so i didn’t pick any fights with him or tell him to shut up when he was telling yet another person that he knows what is going on because he works there (side note-you are a security guard.  You write people tickets if they park in an ambulance zone.  You don’t know what is going on!!!) 

Since getting home it has been an adventure.  Brian can’t sleep in his bed because it is too low so tomorrow…or today i guess! I am going to go to my mothers and see if i can take the frame off Brian’s. bed there and put it on his bed here.  Maybe that will raise it enough to make a difference.  In the meantime he is calling the livingroom home.   
Brian is supposed to start back to school on Monday but there are too many questions.  I found out from the school that he will be able to get a van to drive him home every afternoon so that is good.  He will have extra time between classes and have an elevator key so that will be helpful as well. If he gets tired he can go to the nurse’s office and take a nap. 
What i don’t know is how well he will be able to concentrate in class or how his pain level will effect his learning.  I don’t know if walking through the halls will tire him out too much.  The Mom in me wants to say he can just stay home and i will home school him this year but the grownup in me knows how important school is socially for a child and he wouldn’t get that.

Okay i am tired again and going back to bed.  To be continued…

“Put blinders on those things that conspire to hold you back, especially the ones in your own head” Meryl Streep

I know, I know…long time no see.  Sorry, turns out school is much harder the last year than it is in the beginning!  I guess that is so people don’t quit.  I have thought about it several times but I have invested so much time it wouldn’t be worth it.

Weight loss has been a struggle as well.  I am not gaining anything but I am pretty much staying in the 190’s.  I have had a few moments of desperation and joined Weight Watchers online, bought a Jawbone wrist band, joined MyFitnesspal and MapMyFitness, just to name a few.  Oh, and I bought a new diet pill called “D4” that is supposed to react to your body like Metabolife used to before it was banned for having illegal ingredients!  (It does, by the way!  I am basically on Speed in the morning.  I disregard the directions a bit and take one pill when I wake, one at like 11 and one at about 3 or 4.  Taking two in the morning like it says is like taking something illegal and makes me lose my mind a bit!)

Oh how I long for the 180’s!  I remember when I was working out with Evin at Snap Fitness and I weighed 182.  I actually was disappointed in that number!  When I really think about it, I have not weighed less than that for about 10 years.  TEN YEARS!!!!!!  

I also remember not wearing a bikini when I was a teenager because I was (GASP!) a size 8!!!!  What is wrong with me?  I guess it is human nature to want what I can’t have, even if it is a thinner body and better abs.  Still, when I look back at all the time I wasted thinking I was fat when I really wasn’t it makes me pretty mad.  Not mad enough not to wish I was thinner today in my size 12 jeans…but mad 🙂  

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life.  When I was single all I wanted was to be married.  When I was married…you guessed it….I wanted to be single again!  I longed for those days of being carefree and watching whatever I wanted and eating in bed and staying up as late as I wanted.  Now I am single and I wish I wasn’t.  Oh, and I wish I could live in a smaller apartment.  One that didn’t need so much stuff.  If my apartment was small I would want a bigger one to fit all my stuff!

So back to the weight loss.  I have made it my mission to like every part of me now so that when I have gotten thin I will love me.  Kind of like my list of Awesomeness I put out every month (except that last few!) I try and tell myself ten awesome things about my body every day.  This morning I pointed out the definition in my calves, how my hair is the perfect length to wear up or down, and how strong my arms look lately.  Those three things may also be reoccurring, but that is okay.  All I know for sure is that there is nothing wrong with me except my self image and my self talk.  That CANNOT be a reoccurring thought or action!

Since everyone knows I love YouTube, here’s a video 🙂